I feel like shit.

My eating habits....well, hunger pangs are out of control. I am a slave to sugar and salt and Philly cream cheese onion chip dip. (Christ, it's so bad, just typing that makes me want to go buy some and down a large bag of dipped chips.)

I feel that my eyes and my tongue are in cahoots to sabotage my health and weight-loss that I experienced last year. I've only gained 5 lbs of it back, but it looks like it's all in my belly and I hate how fat it makes me feel. Last summer I almost thought I could see a glimmer of hope; a smaller belly with the possibility of one day having a flat belly again. I almost saw definition in it. Almost.

Then I got lazy. Again. I don't feel like doing much of anything and while I wish I felt like exercising more, I just don't feel like I have the energy. Of course I blame that on all the shit I've been eating lately. AND the rum and Cokes just about every night. Why can't I stop myself? Why????????? I'm even having trouble choking down the fish oil and calcium magnesium tablets!

We moved to a 'new' (older) house this summer and bought a new gas range too, however, I can't seem to get back into the swing of cooking. For shame, it's been almost 2 months and the most action it's seen is the frying pan with bacon and then eggs cooking in it. Actually, no, the MIL came by last month with her infamous apple crisp and needed to bake it in our oven. Of course.

I'm having trouble staying satiated for long as well. I need more fat in my diet and the chicken skin (from a crockpot-roasted bird) is not enough. Today I ordered a 1-gallon tub of Nutiva coconut oil so that will help.

When I open the fridge I want to dig in to the chocolate cream pie that's in there (yes, that was my doing as well). When I have bones to put in the organics-waste bag in the freezer, I see three tubs of sugar-laden ice cream and I groan inside my mind but I close the door. I have to be in a special mood to want ice cream.

I wish I had taken a picture of the bird in the crockpot - it was a beautiful sight. I cook it breast side down and when trying to turn it over to take its temperature the luscious dear just fell right apart. God, it was good. I have one more bird to cook this way (next week; don't want to get tired of chicken) and I promise to take a picture then.

My career goal is to become a certified health & safety professional and my brain is starting to remind me that I need to practice what I preach. I don't want to be a walking contradiction. Now if only my eyes and tongue would cooperate...