I feel like shit.

My eating habits....well, hunger pangs are out of control. I am a slave to sugar and salt and Philly cream cheese onion chip dip. (Christ, it's so bad, just typing that makes me want to go buy some and down a large bag of dipped chips.)

I feel that my eyes and my tongue are in cahoots to sabotage my health and weight-loss that I experienced last year. I've only gained 5 lbs of it back, but it looks like it's all in my belly and I hate how fat it makes me feel. Last summer I almost thought I could see a glimmer of hope; a smaller belly with the possibility of one day having a flat belly again. I almost saw definition in it. Almost.

Then I got lazy. Again. I don't feel like doing much of anything and while I wish I felt like exercising more, I just don't feel like I have the energy. Of course I blame that on all the shit I've been eating lately. AND the rum and Cokes just about every night. Why can't I stop myself? Why????????? I'm even having trouble choking down the fish oil and calcium magnesium tablets!

We moved to a 'new' (older) house this summer and bought a new gas range too, however, I can't seem to get back into the swing of cooking. For shame, it's been almost 2 months and the most action it's seen is the frying pan with bacon and then eggs cooking in it. Actually, no, the MIL came by last month with her infamous apple crisp and needed to bake it in our oven. Of course.

I'm having trouble staying satiated for long as well. I need more fat in my diet and the chicken skin (from a crockpot-roasted bird) is not enough. Today I ordered a 1-gallon tub of Nutiva coconut oil so that will help.

When I open the fridge I want to dig in to the chocolate cream pie that's in there (yes, that was my doing as well). When I have bones to put in the organics-waste bag in the freezer, I see three tubs of sugar-laden ice cream and I groan inside my mind but I close the door. I have to be in a special mood to want ice cream.

I wish I had taken a picture of the bird in the crockpot - it was a beautiful sight. I cook it breast side down and when trying to turn it over to take its temperature the luscious dear just fell right apart. God, it was good. I have one more bird to cook this way (next week; don't want to get tired of chicken) and I promise to take a picture then.

My career goal is to become a certified health & safety professional and my brain is starting to remind me that I need to practice what I preach. I don't want to be a walking contradiction. Now if only my eyes and tongue would cooperate...

The "Mother In-Law"

My "MIL" (in quotes because Rabbit and I are just common-law) came over yesterday (Sunday) to make dinner for us here, so she arrived with most of the fixings and got started. The main dish was going to be a hunk of roasted beef (no complaints there!), but the one side dish she brought was something she called dumplings, but it consisted of tiny little balls that resembled pasta. There were three ingredients, one of which was flour, so I wasn't too keen on eating this stuff, but I had told my honey that I was going to shut up and eat whatever she made, because it was her who previously droned on about how there's nothing wrong with eating (whole) grains, etc. I'm not interested in hearing it anymore and I'm tired of explaining myself. Anyway, she had asked what we might have on hand for sides and she chose cauliflower to go into the oven with the roast.

When the beef was done she wanted to use the drippings to make a gravy. I said we had some corn starch (I'm not sure whether this is any better than white flour, but offered it anyway), but noooo she only wanted flour. She knows darn well that I do not wish to consume flour/grains, but like I said, I shut up and ate what she made anyway. I honestly think she's trying to provide her son with these CW foods because she feels I'm depriving him. She even mentioned she'd bring ingredients to make bread next time, since my stand-up mixer came with a dough hook. *facepalm*

This must be why people don't usually get along with their in-laws, right??

When she comes over she usually brings the supplies to make her apple crumble dessert as well, and this time was no different. I had some and shut up about it.

Tomorrow I'll eat what *I* want to eat.